Before …

Local clergy met this morning to hear a talk about stress in clergy families.

Stress provokes growth and adaptation. Stress keeps us alert and on our toes and enables us to respond to emergencies. In short, stress in sharp doses is good. But when it’s prolonged, it leads to ill-health, immune system depression, gastrointestinal problems, cancers, mental burnout, and more.

Clergy stress results from all sorts of things: lack of boundaries, unreasonable expectations of, and by, self and others, feeling one has responsibility without authority, living in a goldfish bowl (‘I demand to know the colour of your bowel movements today, Rector’). In some cases, clergy bring stress on themselves by wanting to be needed – in itself a personality disorder. But worse is the effect of stress on clergy wives, clergy husbands, and clergy children. A clergy spouse effectively becomes a one-parent family in a busy parish. The phone rings at unsocial hours. ‘I know it’s the Rector’s day off, but ….’ Well, you might know it, but clearly you don’t respect it. Get off the phone now this minute, and ring tomorrow at a reasonable hour.

None of the things that have caused me grief in seven years of ordained life was dealt with in theological training. All of them are largely ignored by the organisation, such is its corporate hypocrisy and its ability to pretend that black is white. Here are some of them.

• Enquiries about ancestors and complaints about graveyards. I was ordained to serve the living not the dead. I do not care about graveyards.
• Legal matters about buildings and land. I have no legal training and am not a property manager. I am not interested in title deeds, and if I have to be, I want the proper fee.
• Conflict between mission demands, such as, the organist is so bad s/he needs to be sacked, and pastoral demands, if s/he is, the rest of the community will be offended because s/he’s related to them all.
• People choosing to take offence.
• Being dumped on by those higher up in the food chain who seem to justify their existence by finding hoops for increasingly hard-pressed parish clergy to jump through. This is a Church of England thing. Thankfully, the structure and finances of the Church of Ireland mean that the few people up the food chain are so busy that they don’t have time for this.
• People thinking that everything is the Rector’s job. If you want it done, do it yourself, and stop bellyaching at me.
• People thinking that it only counts if the Rector does it. Ordination is magic.
• Petty squabbles. Some people need to grow up.
• Self-appointed ‘royal’ families in a parish. These cause awful problems.
• Refusals to accept that the law of the land means that old ways of doing things are no longer legally acceptable.
• Refusals to accept the church’s regulations.

Over the last seven years, these are some of my experiences:

• phone calls at unsocial hours about ancestors;
• mother in law moaning about wedding arrangements;
• stroppy letters about the state of the graveyard;
• nuisance calls, several at 2 am;
• being shouted at and shunned in public;
• complaints about preaching the gospel;
• a threat of physical violence;
• callers ‘needing’ a bus fare to somewhere or other, stinking of booze (lots of these, and actually, I don’t mind them – at least these souls know they are needy);
• powerlessness and perplexity about legal affairs;
• sleepless nights, anxiety, diarrhoea, stress-related gobbling, incipient despair …. and more.

… and after

I have it easy compared to some, who are driven to resignation or early retirement. Some clergy find meetings and minutes and agenda and rules difficult to cope with. I do not. But all this nonsense detracts from my caring for the sick, helping the afflicted, reading, reflecting, preparing teaching and sermons, burying baptizing, marrying, and making sure worship is seemly and inspiring.

Fortunately, my pre-ordination life experience has given me the buoyancy to keep my head above water most of the time. Maybe putting this in writing will help others.

Irish Midlands Chamber Orchestra in St Peter’s

The Portlaoise lunchtime concerts have grown. People thank me for brightening up lunchtime as if I were some sort of philanthropist. Little do they know me! The truth is, of course, that I started the concerts last year for my benefit, to get a bit of culcha. They have the added value of bringing a bit more music to a town that in some respects needs it. They get people into the church-—and this is a good thing, for there are still some out there who haven’t quite lost the notion that they might go to hell if they come in. And they raise a bit of money for the Hospice, Dunamaise Arts Centre and the church. But first and foremost they revive my sometimes drooping spirit!

This summer we’ve had some spectacular performers: organ, violin and cello were lovely, trumpet and organ were thrilling, ladies close harmony was charming, organ-alone concerts have been refreshing, and today’s Midlands Concert Orchestra was terrific. There were about 80 people there. Toe-tapping tunes. You could see people’s bodies moving to the beat of Dvorak, Bizet, Offenbach, Lennon/McCartney, and marches from the movies. Organ music has featured most, not surprising given my background and contacts, but then St Peter’s has an organ that sounds well and is good to play.

Visiting musicians comment on the lovely church and its sense of intimacy, the brightness of the place, and an acoustic that gives a bit of bloom to the sound. And, I hope, the welcome. It’s particularly good to have young players, and several have said how much they value the experience of giving a public performance. For organists in particular, it’s gratifying to play music that people actually listen to, rather than merely talk over. There’s plenty of talent about, and it’s great that people are willing to come to St Peter’s.

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that if you please yourself, then some others will be pleased with you. Here’s to the rest of the 2013 season.